I wish I could understand

Hi all,

I have something I need to say. I apologize in advance for any hard feelings this may produce but it is something I have to address. Honesty!

Those of you who actually know me know that I have a small circle of very close friends. These are people I really know, or I thought I did. Recently I found out that not everyone in my circle is the person(s) they have pretended to be. Now, I'm not niave enough to believe that everyone is always truthful, but I don't understand how you can keep up such a complete deception with someone you supposedly care about and completely trust. I now feel that every conversation, every get-together, every everything has been called into question and I don't know how to trust anything anymore. I just wish I could understand...

I wish I could understand why you would volunteer so much heartfelt falsehood. Why, if you aren't honestly looking for real advice, why do you bring up a "problem" you need help with. Advice to a half-told or made-up problem can't be of any help.

I wish I could understand why you would want to spend so much time and energy on a relationship you feel you have to lie to keep. It seems to me that I would not want to have a friend that wouldn't accept me as I am. It is not fair to never give your friends the opportunity to do just that.

It is true that in some ways I live my life by a different moral code than the people in my life, but I am very careful to never expect them to follow my code. I have never turned away from a friend just because they made decisions I didn't approve of. By putting on this "front" with me, I feel as a slap in the face, sending the message that they don't see me as a REAL friend. This hurts more than any truth they could ever tell me.

Anyway, for now I have nothing else to say. So as always

Stay Safe & Be Real,
~Rebekah~