Hi

You know for a girl that doesn't do anything, I stay awful busy...

As most of you know, mom moved out to Arizona and is teaching at the Native American mission school out there. Most days she loves it but it is a challenge for her.

I have been cleaning out and rearranging my house. Mom's not going to recognize it when she comes home at Christmas. My brother Josh is my roommate now, which is fine except that he does not have a car of his own (his was stolen). He goes to school 4 days a week which severely limits the amount of time I can spend trying to find a job. I have been looking for work for the last two months and I can't seem to find anything. I've applied for everything from office jobs to McDonald's, I've had 4 interviews...but nothing. I am out of money and Josh is having to pay most of our bills. You can all imagine how much I like that feeling and the effect this situation is having on my self-worth issues. Mom bought me a ticket so I was able to go see her for two weeks in early October and had a great time. I have had some personal/family situations I have had to deal with in one form or another. I really need your prayer and support. I am falling back into behaviors that worry me. I seldom if ever seek out other people. I am eating way much and sleeping way too little. If someone inquires about me, I dismiss their concern because I don't know how to accept any comfort. All words of encouragement sound like empty rhetoric to me...you know like that's just what they are supposed to say. Last time I felt this way I ended up in counseling for 6 months, this time I don't have that option. Thankfully my time in counseling before did make me stronger so I am strong enough now to recognize the problems. I just feel so pathetic, I'm 30 years old and I can't get a job. I was planning to transfer to Faulkner in January, because for once in my life I actually KNOW what path I want to take in my life but I can't even afford to go to school. I don't know what to do. Mom told me today that the school she works at is hiring office staff, so maybe that is the Lord's leading...but I don't want to go. I don't mean that in a pouty way just that Arizona was supposed to be a new start for mom and a chance for me to finally have no one else to take care of. Going to Arizona will completely negate all of the good that had come of it in the first place.

Please pray for me, I don't know what to do. I like my life here, I have good friends for moral support, I was starting the school program I want, I have a house I finally have the way I want it. But I can't make the $500 a month that it costs to maintain that life. That is so depressing.

As Always,
~Rebekah~

Citizen Soldier

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