Living Life My Way

This is Me!

2010-03-02T23:28:00.002-06:00

Hi World,

I’m not even going to try to apologize or explain my absence this time. For so long, this blog has been a sounding-board for my concerns, fears, etc., but lately I just haven’t needed this outlet but now I write for another reason. For the past 10 months, I have been at peace. Lest you get the wrong idea, my life is just as chaotic as it always is. I just haven’t felt dragged down by it. I have stresses of course, but I honestly can’t find a reason not to be happy and for a melancholy personality like mine that is an amazing thing.

I have always heard stories about “that moment”, you know the ones… a person experiences one moment, event, etc. that changes everything for them. I have always thought that a “moment” only occurs in extreme circumstances and in a dramatic way. I have had to revise my belief about this. My moment happened…it was just 6 weeks long. I moved to Arizona to start over and free myself from the limitations, expectations, memories and perceptions of my life at that point. I wanted to be different. I wanted to not be Becky the care-giver, the baby-sitter, the wall-flower. I had done so much soul-searching and made such progress through therapy and prayer but then dad got sick and I kind of stopped. After the Lord took him home, I needed to wipe my slate and rewrite myself. Arizona was my chance to do just that.

When I got laid off 39 days after arriving, I was devastated…or I thought I was. That voice that follows me, that little one inside that whispers “you’re not good enough, smart enough...etc…” started speaking again. But I soon realized that while I could hear her, I no longer HEARD her. She, the voice of my fears, insecurities and self-loathing had become background noise. I can not explain how amazing this was. Anytime she spoke up previously, her voice had echoed in my chest until it was all I heard. To no longer care about her opinion was one of the greatest moments of my life. I was concerned that my new-found strength would suffer when I returned to my “home”. Back to the people and relationships in which I had lost myself to begin with. It wasn’t until I got back to Bama and settled into my life that I fully understood what had happened to me.

I am no longer who I was…I know that sounds hokey, but it’s the only way to explain it. I still cling to the opinions, beliefs, and morals that are mine. I lean on God’s guiding hand everyday. But I recognize the girl in the mirror again. That is an amazing feeling, to actually finally feel like ME and know who that is. Thank you God, I could not experience this joy & peace without Him.

Be Real & Stay Safe,
Rebekah

Update on me

2009-04-16T23:57:00.002-05:00

Hello again,
I know...I did it again. I went way too long in between posts. I don't know why I do that, I constantly think of things I want to post, I just never take the time to sit and type it up. So, I will post an update of the events that have transpired in my life.

On Feb. 24, I fell in my apartment and gave myself a concussion. The next day, my mother lost her job at the school where she had been working since July. I hate that it happened but the Lord had good timing. I was still quite weak and she was able to come stay with me for a while until I was fully recovered. The next week on March 5, I was informed that to workload and budget shortfalls, SVIS no longer had a job for me. They were very generous and gave me enough severance money to reimburse the cost of my move. It was very upsetting, I had put a lot into this move and had really believed that Sun Valley was where I was supposed to be. I now realize that I would not give up the growth and strength I found there in those six weeks. I now know and understand that I can care about people in my life without their lives being my responsibility. I can now be an active part of the lives of my friends and family without "drowning" in their troubles or giving up my own journey.

Shortly after I returned home, I discovered that God's timing again was perfect...a situation was unfolding in the life of my closest friend and my new-found stability has enabled me to encourage her and help without falling back into old habits. She made a room for me in her already crowded home and she and I are now setting up home as roommates together. Shortly after I arrived, my brother helped me get hired on as a temp at the florist where he was working. I worked several days during the Easter holiday. I loved it...it is the perfect job. Everyone is always happy to see me, I improve the day of whomever I see. No one ever gets mad because their flowers are 5 minutes late or arrived cold. LOL.

My brother then got an interview at another company for a job he really wanted. His boss said that if he got it and left, I could have his job at the florist. I have been taking a few of his shifts over the last two weeks and learning the ropes. As I said earlier I loved it...now I was doubly eager for him to get the other job. He was notified on Sat to go in on Monday for his drug test. He was officially hired on today and I was offered a full-time position at Covent Garden florist. Thank you Lord, this is a great job and will be easy enough that it will not stress me out to work it while I am finishing my school. He always has a master plan, sometimes it just doesn't become clear until after you have trusted him enough to just go.

I am so thankful also right now that God watches out for us. Last Thursday I began having a headache on the back of the right side of my head. I took Aleve, Tylenol or etc. and just assumed it would pass. I thought it had, until mid-day Friday when it started back and did not go away again. The only relief I found was taking over 1000mg of pain medicine at a time. Finally on Monday, even that wasn't really helping and I was experiencing naseua and lightheadedness along with the pain so I decided I needed to see a doctor. I had to borrow the money but I called to get in to see the County's low-income, pubic health doctor. I was told that walk-ins were accepted from 7:30 until 9:30 am. I arrived at 7:55, waited until 9:15 and was then taking in by a nurse who asked for a summary of my condition and who then told me that I was too late to be a walk-in that day and would need to come back in the morning. I was fairly certain that something quite serious was going on and was unwilling to wait any longer, so I went to the ER. Within 15 minutes they had processed my paperwork and taken my vitals. My BP was 226/197...! I was in a bed, surrounded by staff in less than 20 more minutes. They examined me and administered a numbing medicine and a steriod directly into a large nerve at the base of my skull where the pain was originating. That HURT, whew... but within 5 minutes of receiving the shot, my head did nit hurt anymore. The doctors then proceded to retake my BP and it was already down 30 points. They ran a CAT scan and gave me an IV med for my BP. The CAT scan showed that I had a "thickening" of the blood that was pooling on the right side of my head. This blood pool, if ignored, was rapidly forming into a clot. The doctor said it was a very good thing I was treated when I was, because as high as my BP was, I was in danger of severe problems. Thankfully, the doctor was able to prescribe a blood thinner, pain meds and BP stabilizers to help clear up the problem. I was so scared, I cannot even explain how I felt when the words, clot, anurysm, brain damage, etc were used in reference to me. Yet here I am, feeling almost back to 100% and living my life again.

Anyway, so there's the latest update on me...I start my full-time shifts on Monday. My new classes start May 23, and I am living with my best friend. My life is settled into a wonderful existence.

As Always,

Be Real & Stay Safe

~Rebekah~

I'm Dreaming of a White... Tuesday???

2009-02-10T12:35:00.002-06:00

That's right folks, my ground is covered in snow. I went to bed last night (kinda late) to a windy but dry campus. Was awakened at about 3 am by a series of soft booms against the side of my building. It was the wind so I went back to sleep. I woke up this morning to a blanket of snow. We have a good 3 inches on everything. It's really beautiful but the walk in was slippery today. The junior high students had a field trip planned today, but it was cancelled. Recess is taking place in the gym today. The snow just altered lots of things!

I need your help today in prayer. One of our students is having a rough time. She tried to run away from her dorm yesterday and has been threatening to hurt herself if she is not allowed her own way. She comes from a background of abuse and mostly indifference and neglect and is really struggling to adapt. Please pray that she will feel God's love and accept His peace. She is such a sad little girl, just talking to her breaks my heart.

I'm so at peace here. I truly know that I am where God wants me. I enjoy my work but I also feel fulfilled and relaxed almost all the time. My mom lives 1 1/2 hours away so I get to see her regularly but I also have a lot of people to visit with here so I'm never lonely. God is so good in His plans for us. I certainly never imagined this as my path, but now I love it.

As Always,
~Rebekah~

ARIZONA: Here I am!

2009-01-29T11:33:00.004-06:00

Hi all,

Sorry I have been out of touch for a while. I left Montgomery for AZ on Friday, arrived Sunday afternoon. When I arrived, I learned that the remodel of my apartment here was not quite done. There is a house on campus that is used for guests, etc and that is where I have been staying. My apartment is now done and several of the guys out here helped me move all my stuff in. So, now everthing is settling down a little bit. Let me tell you more about my situation.

I am the new bookkeeper for Sun Valley Indian School. I am responsible for general accounting, payroll and donation receipting. I work with some wonderful people and believe I can form some friendships. Our campus is small, so everything is within walking distance, so no daily gas usage:). I have access to free meals in the cafeteria if I choose as well as a fitness room, and library. I love it here so far. The people are wonderful, I have a cute little apartment, and the cafeteria serves well-portioned, nutritious and TASTY meals. The biggest negative so far is the weather, I live in the desert so no matter what temprature it is during the day, it drops by about 25-30 every night. And with no trees to speak of, the wind...it's brutal. I'm sure that in the summer, I will welcome the coolness of the evening but right now, I end up with 15, 20 degree nights. But I will adjust quickly so no big deal. My job is really good. As is expected, there is a lot of sitting around and then payday, bill payments, or donations will come due and I will have way too much work, and then back to down time.

Feel free to contact me, my new info is:

Becky Coats
Sun Valley Indian School
8450 S. Sun Valley Rd. Apt #18
PO Box 4013
Sun Valley, AZ 86029

My home number is not set up yet, but I still have my cell phone (334)819-6740.

Hi

2008-11-23T22:15:00.002-06:00

You know for a girl that doesn't do anything, I stay awful busy...

As most of you know, mom moved out to Arizona and is teaching at the Native American mission school out there. Most days she loves it but it is a challenge for her.

I have been cleaning out and rearranging my house. Mom's not going to recognize it when she comes home at Christmas. My brother Josh is my roommate now, which is fine except that he does not have a car of his own (his was stolen). He goes to school 4 days a week which severely limits the amount of time I can spend trying to find a job. I have been looking for work for the last two months and I can't seem to find anything. I've applied for everything from office jobs to McDonald's, I've had 4 interviews...but nothing. I am out of money and Josh is having to pay most of our bills. You can all imagine how much I like that feeling and the effect this situation is having on my self-worth issues. Mom bought me a ticket so I was able to go see her for two weeks in early October and had a great time. I have had some personal/family situations I have had to deal with in one form or another. I really need your prayer and support. I am falling back into behaviors that worry me. I seldom if ever seek out other people. I am eating way much and sleeping way too little. If someone inquires about me, I dismiss their concern because I don't know how to accept any comfort. All words of encouragement sound like empty rhetoric to me...you know like that's just what they are supposed to say. Last time I felt this way I ended up in counseling for 6 months, this time I don't have that option. Thankfully my time in counseling before did make me stronger so I am strong enough now to recognize the problems. I just feel so pathetic, I'm 30 years old and I can't get a job. I was planning to transfer to Faulkner in January, because for once in my life I actually KNOW what path I want to take in my life but I can't even afford to go to school. I don't know what to do. Mom told me today that the school she works at is hiring office staff, so maybe that is the Lord's leading...but I don't want to go. I don't mean that in a pouty way just that Arizona was supposed to be a new start for mom and a chance for me to finally have no one else to take care of. Going to Arizona will completely negate all of the good that had come of it in the first place.

Please pray for me, I don't know what to do. I like my life here, I have good friends for moral support, I was starting the school program I want, I have a house I finally have the way I want it. But I can't make the $500 a month that it costs to maintain that life. That is so depressing.

As Always,
~Rebekah~

Citizen Soldier

2008-11-23T22:13:00.002-06:00

This is sponsored by the National Guard but I think it is an amazing tribute to ALL our troops.

Test day :(

2008-06-16T09:47:00.002-05:00

Its Finals day for me…I have three tests to take today and one tomorrow. I had my first test this morning at 8:30. I think I did really well! But I am about to die from the heat, apparently no one remembered to start the air conditioner this morning…it’s 87 degrees in here. You all know me and heat! Oh, well, I‘ll make it through, I always do. Just sometimes I get tired of making it through. Sometimes I wish I could finally make it…whatever IT is.

Life goes on, the world keeps turning and God is still in His heaven and in my heart. Have a great day to you all.

Be Real and Stay Safe,

~Rebekah~

Toot, Toot!!!

2008-04-24T01:39:00.003-05:00

That's my own horn you hear...

Hi all,

I'm so excited and proud of myself because I found out today that I am having a poem published in my college's literary magazine. That is just too cool, right?!!! This is especially great to me because the poem being honored was written about dad.

It was a big surprise, the poem was an assignment for my English class, I never knew it won any kind of award or anything. I'm so happy. That may seem like a such a little thing to be so excited about, but if really think about me, you already understand. Me, a published writer, me? I'm not the one that achieves this type of recognition. i am so grateful to God for giving this accomplishment to take pride in.

Gotta go for now,

As always, Stay Safe & Be Real,

~Rebekah~

Keep on MARCHing!

2008-03-01T01:27:00.003-06:00

Hi All,

I hope all of your lives are going well. For me, every day is another day. I miss Daddy every day and while there are still moments, overall I'm doing pretty well. Thank you for continuing to pray for me.

I'm having an insomniac moment tonight so I thought I would touch base with you all. As most of you know, my mom and I are still living together. We have pretty well settled in to our new place. Mom is trying to make this home, buying new decor and finding themes for different rooms. I thought my room was gonna be easy, it was painted a nice dark green color. However, about two weeks ago, I noticed that the paint was pulling away from the wall. It soon began peeling off in strips. The former owners decided to paint over wallpaper without primer. (Yeah, that's gonna work :)) So I found a new color for my wall and purchased it and the primer. I got home and realized that because of the amount of furniture I have in my room, I have to do this painting one wall at a time. So, I move furniture, scrape all the old off, prime, let dry overnight. Next day, I paint, let that dry, then I put my wallpaper border across the top, then I move the furniture back and start over. I finished one section of wall, and I LOVE it!!! I think it looks great, but I can't seem to find the energy to do anymore. It's harder than I thought. The primer I have to use is oil-based, so it's basically impossible to clean my brush/roller after I prime. No problem, right, I bought one set for primer and one set for paint. However, when trying to fit this project in around my mom, school and my life, the primer completely dried up and made the roller unusable. So, now I get to prime my walls with just a paintbrush, it takes FOREVER. AAAAaaaaaa!!! If only it didn't look so pretty all finished, maybe I could convince myself that it's not worth it, but I can see that it is. I'll have to send pics of my room when it's done...look for those around August :) Just Kidding, (I hope).

Well, I better go, my wall's not gonna scrape itself.

As Always

~Rebekah~

Christmas with no Daddy

2007-12-08T10:15:00.000-06:00

Hello again.

I've been trying for a month to compile what I want to say about the death of my father. As previously stated, my father passed away on Nov. 5 2007, after over 10 years of illness. I am thrilled for him, he is now forever with his Savior. Somehow this fact does not make my pain go away. He is strong, healthy, & happy, but there are moments when I would bring him back here just so I wouldn't have to miss him anymore. I know that's a selfish thought. He was so sick before he passed and I wouldn't anyone I love to ever suffer that way, but it just hurts. Sometimes, it's a dull ache that I don't really notice, but other times, I can't feel who I am anymore because I feel the emptiness in my heart. Last night was one of those times for me. I was up until 5 am; I just couldn't sleep. Every time I would try, pictures of everything I'll never get to share with my dad again starting playing in my head. While I have an amazing mom whom I love very much, I was always a daddy's girl. I always ran to him when life became too scary for me. He would talk with me about it, strengthen me and help me find my path. I think that's what I miss most. I can't run to him and let him comfort me with this.

I am so grateful that my father led me to his Savior and that I have the peace that only God can provide. I know that one day I will be with daddy again. However, there are times when I can't see past the daddy-sized blank spot in my heart and my life. I'm trying to be strong and give my mom the opportunity to grieve as she needs, but I needed someone to talk to. So today, my someone is all of you. The holidays are upon us and I don't know how to drink my apple cider, eat my turkey, open my stocking, and all the rest without seeing him in everything. I want to have a Merry Christmas, I just don't know how. My dad was always the one I had to block; he would raid my sweet potato pies before dinner, eat all the chocolate covered cherries mom got in her stocking and was always trying to score seconds/thirds/fourths of holiday dinner. Our family gets together for Christmas about a week before the actual day. Christmas itself was always just mom, dad, me and my older brother (Jason has a wife & 3 kids). While I'm glad we can get through the holidays without having the trauma of reopened wounds, it's getting harder everyday to sit and look at the tree and hear the carols.

Daddy, always know that you are missed and loved. And have a Merry Christmas.

As Always,

~Rebekah~

A Tribute to My Father

2007-11-06T00:12:00.000-06:00

This quarter in college I have public speaking and 2 weeks ago I had to give a speech of tribute. I wrote about my dad. My mother asked me to share this with you. So, if you will indulge me, I would now like to share my tribute of the strongest man I have ever known. Those of you who know the full story will notice that I could not include everything my father has been through, so I tried to pick just the major events.

Lauren Bruce Coats Jr was born on August 13, 1948 in Ellisville, MS. His life passed without incident until the summer of his 12th year, when during a simple childhood game of tag, Lauren fell and cracked his skull. The damage to his skull and brain tissue was so severe that the doctors decided he would not live long enought to warrant the procedures needed to put his skull back together properly.

Needless to say, he proved them wrong, not only did he survive, but he overcame the injury & brain damage he suffered and graduated from Pascagoula High School in the top 5 of his class. Following high school, he entered University of Southern Mississippi majoring in computer science. In his second year there, he met a woman named Lynda Richardson. Lauren felt an immediate connection and wanted to get to know her better; for her part, however, she thought he was stubborn, over-protective and conceited. So of course... they got married. The couple wed on June 10, 1972.

Married life started off well, Lauren pursued a career in computer programming while Lynda worked as an elementary school teacher. In April of 1974, the couple discovered that Lynda was expecting a child. Their son Joshua Lauren was born December 27, 1974 in Union, MS.

Life was very full now for the growing family as Lauren moved from job to job advancing his career. While living in Metarie, LA, Lauren & Lynda were introduced to their second child... ME. Naomi Rebekah was born January 6, of 1978.

In February of the same year, the Coats family moved to Houston, TX where Lauren continued to advance in the computer programming world. He did this all while finding a way to serve those less fortunate. My parents opened our home to those with no where else to go. They would stay with us they got jobs & able to get places of their own. Lauren could be stubborn, cynical and an intellectual snob, but he always had a genuine compassion for other people.

Lauren was working in the IT dept of Houston Lighting & Power in 1985 when he was injured in a car accident. Soon after, he began to experience periods of seizure and blackouts. He was diagnosed with a form of epilepsy and was unable to work. During the next 3 years, Lynda worked to support the family while Lauren Mr. Mom as much as he was able. Also during this time, in 1988, a family friend asked Lauren & Lynda if they would consider taking her son in to raise because she was no longer able to care for him. This is how Jason Sword became my little brother and a part of our family.

By the end of 1988, my father had recovered enough to go back to work, however, due to cutbacks at NASA there was a shortage of available computer jobs in the Houston area. Lauren began to search job openings in other places. Lynda was raised in Montgomery, AL and her family sent job information & applications about openings in this area. Lauren was hired on with the State of Alabama as a programmer analyst. The Coats family moved to Prattville, AL on July 27, 1989 and life began to settle into over 9 years of relative peace.

Then one Saturday morning in early 1999, Lauren awoke unable to move & had no feeling on his left side. Paramedics were called and Lauren was taken to the hospital. It was decided that he had suffered a stroke caused by a hemorrage in his brain. The doctors believed that with the new damage to his brain (on top of the ole), he would not to be able to ever walk again nor recover his mental capabilities. During the next 3 months, Lauren proved every prognosis wrong and never gave up. He had to use a cane but he was walking. He was even able to return to his computer programming job and life returned to normal.

That is until February 2003 when Lauren suffered another stroke much like the first. To Lauren's disappointment, no matter how hard he tried, he was unable to regain full functions. He was relegated to using a walker. He developed a pinched nerve in his neck, which caused him to lose almost all use of his left arm. At this time his doctors placed him on permanent disability.

While this was necessary for his health, Lauren felt the loss keenly. He experienced some days of depression, believing that usefulness was over. But as always, Lauren couldn't give up...not even on himself. He continously found ways to use his still impressive skills, personality & intellect to enrich the lives of all around him. He tutored math to needs kids, he acted as life-coach to any one who asked. Even after 2 more strokes, open heart surgery and several lesser health concerns, Lauren maintained his hope & faith.

In March 2007, he was hospitalized because of a severe infection causing open sores that were not healing. After 5 months of treatment in a local hospital, the doctors tranferred LAuren to UAB (the top ranked hospital in the state). While there, the medical staff at UAB discovered the cause of the infection. On September 16, 2007, Lauren was informed that he had cancer and that it gone undiagnosed & untreated so long that is was already in his lymph nodes and was no longer operable.

Lauren asked about treatment options, and after much testing it was decided that Lauren's body was not strong enough to undergo the chemotherapy needed to kill the cancer. Options were very limited, but even now Lauren was unwilling to just accept his fate. He and his doctors devised a round of radiation just powerful enough to stop the growth of the cancer. This was done in the hope that it would buy enough time for physical therapy to strengthen his body enough for the chemo. The plan seemed to be working for about a week, then on October 5, new tests showed that the radiation was causing respitory & kidney difficulties that were more harmful than the benefits the radiation might bring.

The doctors then began the process of sending Lauren home. He was scheduled to be released into hospice care at home on Tuesday Oct. 9. On monday, October 8, Lauren experienced severe breathing difficulties that convinced his doctors that the had come. All the family were called and told to come say our goodbyes. We all did. However, even after all he had been through, Lauren was still not done fighting. He not only survived the night, but he was strong enough to come home as originally scheduled. He has been placed on hospice and there is no cure in sight, but even he is still a fighter.

Throughout my life, I have come across some truly amazing personalities, but none has ever shown more fight, determination & spit than my father Lauren. I can't say that I had the perfect father, in fact, I can certainly look back at my life and find things he could have done better. The one thing I will never be able to say is that he didn't try to do his best. I don't know how much longer I have him, but I will always be grateful for all he taught me. My father taught me to fight for waht is important, stand up for what I believe & that the only to truly fail is to give up. He taught me that by leaning on our Heavenly Father, nothing can ever defeat us. Finally through him I learned that true does not depend on how much you can bench press, but on the determination of your heart.

NOTE: After setting this up to post automatically tonight, my father passed away. I am still posting my tribute as-is but will now provide an update.

Lauren Bruce Coats Jr. went to meet our Lord at 4:05pm today. For the past week, he had been on "continous terminal care" (or CTC) with hospice. He just kept holding on. Today a young man with whom my father had been close came to see him. He had been injured and unable to come before today. He left our home at 2:30 and my father was gone less than two hours later. My father always did things his own way, in his own time. So whos really surprised? I loved my father very much and I miss him already. I just have to remember that every tear I shed is for me, because for once in more than 10 years, my father is no longer in pain - no longer sick - no longer weak. He can be strong in the arms of his Savior forever.

The End is Nigh

2007-11-02T10:57:00.000-05:00

Hi all,

As most of you know, my father took a turn for the worst earlier this week. His body began expelling the excess blood and other fluids from his system. On Monday night his blood pressure was so low that his hospice nurse couldn't even get a reading. He was placed on terminal care watch, meaning round-the-clock nursing supervision and all believed that he would not be with us much longer. During the night Monday & Tuesday he did stop breathing and probably die, only to recover whenever my mom came in to say goodbye. Any of you who know my dad know that the man never gave up without a fight, why should death be any different. He has rallied for a moments here or there but for the most past has maintained his poor status throughout the week. Yet he doesn't seem ready to go quite yet. This morning the hospice staff decided to take him off of the round-the-clock care. They are all amazed that he is still here, but then they don't know my dad. He is terminal and he is fading, but he's gonna do it his way.

Thank you so much to all of you for your prayers and concerns. It means so much to me to know that you guys are out there.

As always,
~Rebekah~

2007-09-16T22:42:00.000-05:00

Hi All,

Today I write to ask for your help. I need you to pray for my dad, my family and for me. This past week we found out my dad has cancer. This came as a shock to most of us. As most of you, my dad has been chronically ill for several years but...cancer? For the last few months my dad has had sores that will not heal. His doctor said it developed because of a massive infection in my dad's system. This is in fact what lead him to be in the hospital this last time. Two weeks ago, dad was transferred to UAB hospital to have a surgery intended to clean-out the infected area and hopefully heal the wound. During the surgery, the doctor ran a biopsy of the wound tissue ... CANCER. My dad had skin cancer, that left unchecked had been causing his sores. But, now that we knew, there were treatments. I took the news hard, but was adapting the idea, when even more news came. It was no longer just skin cancer, the cancerous cells had entered my dad's lymph nodes and were spreading. My heart broke, I felt overwhelmed and scared. But still there are options. Then yesterday, all the tests finally came back and we got a complete situation report. Dad has a tumor in his groin area that is inoperable due to it's proximity to his arteries and blood vessels. He is too weak to undergo Chemo or radiation. My brothers, my mom & I have a meeting with the doctor at UAB Tuesday to find out specifics of what is next. So, please pray for us.

On a personal note, please pray for me. I'm not handling this situation well. I feel lost. I handle change slowly, one step at a time, and just got thrown about 20 steps ahead on this path. I can't figure out how I feel. I'm sad, I'm scared, I'm angry, I'm hopeful, I'm strong, I'm at peace - and this is just one hour - then it starts over. The order may change but this has been my last two days. I feel so inadequate for this challenge, I don't know how to do this. I know the even now, God is master of all, but... I'm just so scared. Scared for my dad. Scared for my mom. Scared for me. But mostly, I'm just scared. Pray for me to have the strength and peace to be able to support my mom. As much pain as I feel, hers is so much more. I cannot be selfish and focus on myself right now.

Thank you for allowing me to share with you the feelings of my heart. Thank you for your understanding, support and prayer.

I welcome your comments, feel free to let me know if you have any questions.

As Always,

~Rebekah~

Why did I even bother?

2007-08-04T09:14:00.000-05:00

Hello all, I apologize in advance for the negativity of this post, but remember I did warn you of my penchant for introspection and reflection. Knowing me, the next post will be more upbeat. Please keep that in mind while reading this.

This is the question that plagues my mind most of the time. I used to believe that by changing our actions, attitude and behavior, we could alter the course of our life's path. I don't feel this way now, I'm not sure what I believe to be true but it is no where near this optimistic and hopeful. I mostly feel that no matter I do, my path is set -- a path of fear -- a path of loneliness -- basically my path of failure. When I was young I believed as many do, that all my problems would be solved if only I were grown-up. It worked,the problems that bugged me as child were mostly cured by time and age. I never stopped to consider, however, that adulthood brings problems all it's own. Why did I even bother to grow-up?

When I graduated from high school, I was still naive and innocent in many ways. I believed that your life was your own to make what you would of it. I wanted my life to matter, I wanted to be successful, I wanted to be respected. I spent a lot of years working for my mother in a job that was "important", I was stressed out, broke, and disappointed in myself, but at least I could say I mattered. As I got older, I felt the need to move-on to other things. I was unable to afford health insurance, I didn't earn enough to get approved for a car, or a place to live on my own. I believed it was time to "grow-up". Twice I left for "greener pastures", new jobs, new apartments, etc. Twice I failed to maintain the situation and had to crawl back to my "mommy" let her support me again and know that I had failed at expanding my life. Why did I even bother to try?

Recently, after months of prayer and therapy, I decided not to let fear control me and to try again. I left my mothers company for a third time. I found a new work environment that I feel I can flourish in. I now work a full-time job that I'm really good at, earn higher pay, benefits, pd vacation time, etc. However, I am constantly having to put off bills, borrow money from others, or do without things I need because of money troubles. I am still a burden on those around me. Part of the reason I made this change was to get into a place where I was self-sufficient and wouldn't have to "take" anymore. There are days I am so disheartened, I just want give up on this goal, go back to the familiar and become comfortable with my failures. Sometimes all that stops me is the knowledge that someone now has my old job. Why did I even bother to hope?

In my life, I am surrounded by a very small group of close, intimate friends; most of whom are also related to me. I don't have "hang-out" buddies, people to go do things with. Some in my life believe that I have closed myself off from the potential of this due to fear of either being hurt (again) or opening up to new people. Maybe this is the case, but I don't think so. For the past year, I have have put forth a concentrated effort to be myself more freely and openly...I talk in class, joke and talk with classmates/co-workers, some of whom I barely know. This has brought about no change in my social life. I still don't get invited to the cook-outs, movie nights, get-together's, etc. I spend most nights alone watching a DVD I've seen 10 times. Not that I don't really enjoy my DVDs, but every night...even watching a DVD with someone else would break the cycle. I decided maybe I should plan something to invite others to, I planned a movie night at my apartment...my brother and one other person (a guy who is more friends with my brother than me anyway) came...we didn't even start a movie, instead we spent the time talking about people I don't know, games I don't play, or movies/TV shows I've never seen. Some think I prefer my solitary life. It is better to say I have become content with it. No one could truly be happy while feeling lonely, pathetic and unwanted. Even those that do know me & love me have so many friends they seem to fit me in to their lives. They go out to dinner, bowling etc with their other friends, but never have time to do so with me. They come to see me when no-one else is available or they are too broke to do whatever was planned. I know that I am not supposed to be a priority or focus in the lives of my friends, I wouldn't want to be. I just wish I was fun, enjoyable, and "cool". But I am not. Why do I even bother to care?

In my life I have seen many overcome amazing obstacles to succeed. In my life, I overcome obstacles simply fall behind at the next hurdle. I have always considered myself to be a responsible, reliable person. I have decided recently that responsibility is a tricky concept. I can show up where I should, when I should; I can ensure that things to do get done. Yet, every time I try to support and take care of myself, I dig a hole so deep, by the time I give up and accept my defeat, I can't see a way out. No matter what plans or changes I implement, the result is always the same. If it is that the only person you can ever really depend on is yourself, what possible hope is there for me?

All of this leaves with one final question...Should I even bother to cry?

As always,

~Rebekah~

2007-06-27T20:31:00.000-05:00

Hello all,

I know I do this a lot, but I'm sorry it's been so long. I've been REAL busy. My mom and dad moved into a new home, my aunt moved to a new home, I moved to a new apartment, my dad has been in the hospital again this time since late March, I had to finish up at one job, find another, try to finish spring quarter at school. In addition to all of this, I suffered a death in my family.
My uncle passed away on April 13 of this year. He was 56. Now he wasn't immediate family, he was my uncle, but I have had a hard time putting into words how I felt when we lost him. I always knew I loved him, but I didn't realize all he had done for me and what he meant to me until he was gone. He was one who challenged, he pushed, he prodded, he always gave you his honest opinion--these actions would cause a lesser person to be overbearing, spiteful and controlling. However, he managed, sometimes I'm not sure how, to execute it in such a way where all you thought was how you never wanted to disappoint him. I think the key was that every time he pushed, challenged, or prodded you, he was always waiting for you at the next step to support and guide. That was an amazing gift.
He was a true gentleman, he always made you feel natural, acceptable and interesting in his presence. You always felt that he not only listened, but HEARD you when you talked with him. He seemed just as comfortable at formal dinners as he was watching Nascar in his living room. He taught me a lot about not being afraid to speak my mind. He encouraged me to believe that to learn more, you must share what you know.
He was a survivor, he survived being the only boy in a house w/ 5 children; he survived cancer, he survived a blood disorder known as myelodysplasia (thanks to Gini), he survived all of life's twists and turns with a can-do attitude and a winning smile. He seemed unbeatable. Because of this, when my uncle passed, it surprised me. My uncle contracted pneumonia, his body couldn't fight it off and it took him. It seemed implausible, after all he had been through. What I have to see now though is that he is still a survivor; his words have survived in my spirit, his personality, spirit and passions are surviving in his children and grandchildren.
So while we have said our goodbyes, it feels wonderful to know that he will always be here. He helped me become the woman I'm trying to be...I just I can make him proud of that fact.

Uncle Wiley, love with gratitude, forever

~Rebekah~

The Effect of my Father's Stroke

2007-04-25T08:19:00.000-05:00

Hello,

As most of you know & I have remarked previously, my father is disabled. He has had open heart surgery, 3 strokes, as well as several other situations. For quite a while now, I have been trying to explain the impact that his illnesses have caused in our family. I think that I have finally been able to do so. I hope you all understand that this was done with love, & understanding. It is not meant as any sort of criticism or judgement. It's just something I need to say.

In January of 1999, my father suffered a massive hemorrhagic stroke, meaning a stroke caused by broken blood vessels leaking into his brain. From my 2 years of hospital volunteer experience, I knew that a stroke is to the brain what an attack is to the heart. Still, I was surprised by the level of change it brought about in my dad. Before his stroke, he was an intellectual, a computer programmer with a passion for knowledge. He was the money manager, bread winner and head of household for my family. He prided himself on his honesty, independence, intelligence, logic and strength. I say all of this to show how drastically he changed.

In high school, Dad was a weight-lifter and martial artist. Over the years, he had gotten out of shape but had maintained a lot of his physical strength. After his stroke, suddenly, my father was too weak to support his own weight. The left side of his body did not respond properly. He, who had always been strong and independent, needed help to dress, get up/down, use the restroom etc. My Daddy, the strong man, was gone.

All of our lives, my dad raised my brothers and me to believe that honesty was the most important virtue. He always said he could forgive any action easier than he could a lie. Following his stroke, suddenly, my father was sneaky, manipulative and dishonest. It was not his fault really. He had behavior and memory problems, and in many ways became childlike. He would sneak food, ask me for something if Mom said no. He cried at sentimental movies. He was unwilling to admit fault or blame and would pout and whine to get his way. He lied to cover his guilt and shame or to avoid any disagreements. My Daddy, the pinnacle of truth in my world, was gone.

My family had always tried to follow the model my parents felt God wanted for our family. My mother ran a small business, but my dad was the bread winner and supported our family. Mom was mostly a stay-at-home mom who tried to be a submissive wife. Dad earned the money; Dad paid the bills; Dad filed the taxes. Mom ran her business, took care of family errands, and gave Dad, my brothers and me (when we lived at home) a loving home environment. After his stroke, suddenly, my father was not only incapable of working and handling finances, he no longer knew how he had done so. My mother had to start from scratch. My mother had so many new responsibilities, and my father needed so much care, that I took over the day-to-day operation of her business and lived at home. My Daddy, the rock and head of our household, was gone.

My father has since had 2 more strokes and open heart surgery. Each has brought its own changes to my father, my family and my life. However, the first stroke changed every aspect of who my father is, causing all of us to have to adjust our attitudes and behaviors toward him. I love my father, and I know how blessed I am to have him. I am thankful daily that God spared him. Having said that, I still, in my “daddy’s little girl” heart, can’t help but feel that my Daddy - the man who carried me on his shoulders - the man who protected me from the monsters - that man is truly gone…forever.

As always,

~Rebekah~

2007-04-12T20:50:00.000-05:00

Hi All,

Recently for a computer class, I was told to refer computer hardware components to real life items, etc. I was amused at what I came up with and thought you would be too.

Motherboard - The motherboard is an air traffic controller. Things come in from all directions. It puts them all in order, tries to ensure there are no connection problems, and that nothing crashes.

VDU (Monitor) - The Monitor is a mirror. A mirror doesn't create images, it simply outputs what it "sees". Also, size, shape and set-up do affect the picture.

Keyboard - The keyboard is the "Honey-Do List" (Honey do the dishes, Honey, mow the yard...). It gives instructions to ensure the proper tasks are done.

Mouse - The mouse is a shopping cart. Moving through the store (monitor), stopping only to grab (click) our desired product.

Peripherals - Peripherals are like children. They usually take more than they give. They always want to change the way you do something. They are never permanently attached.

As always,

~Rebekah~

Living Life my Way

2007-03-30T13:32:00.000-05:00

Hi all,

I am about to discuss something I have touched on before, but feel I need to fully discuss with you. As you all know, the title of my blog is "Living Life my Way". This is what I am trying to do. It is not easy, because as most of you know, for a long time, I didn't really listen to my wants and needs at all. I put everyone else first and never believed that I had the right or capability to be anything else. The older I got, the more useless and empty I felt. I started having problems with depression, which led to over-stressing, and anger. Neither of which are natural to my personality. I felt that as long as my "place" was filled, I was unimportant. I didn't know what to do, I was raised to see depression as giving up on God. I thought that if I could lean on Him enough, it would be OK. So, I saw the fact that I was depressed, as failing as a Christian. Because of this, I continued to sink further away from my life, until I started shutting myself off from those around me, at the same time believing that everyone was pulling away because my impressions were right and now that I was so weak, I wasn't useful anymore. This lasted for several months, until God sent me a lifeline. I heard from a friend I hadn't really talked to in a long while, she wanted to have lunch and catch up. I went, and for over two hours, completely without meaning to, I poured out all my thoughts and fears on her shoulders. She was so gracious, patient and understanding. She helped me see that my relationship with God wasn't the problem. The problem was that those around me had formed images of me in their heads that were inaccurate. But, she also showed me that they had done so, because I let them. For those of you who don't me, let me explain, I am at heart, a helper and a follower. When things upset me, rather than "rock the boat", I internalize those feelings until they go away. So, for years, I gave everything I had to others, I always jumped when they called, I never admitted how it bothered me when my friends would change plans and not tell me, or when they would just assume things about me or my interests without asking.

What my friend helped me see is that through these actions I had allowed and encouraged those in my life to form the impressions they had, and now I was depressed because I didn't fit them. She helped me see how counseling might help me discover how to be myself. She got my OK, called and found a place I could afford and even made my first appointment for me. She was wise enough to know that as depressed as I was, I would have talked myself out of even trying. So, mostly to avoid disappointing my friend I went to my first session. My counselor sat and very gently started probing my issues. At first, I didn't like my counselor, I thought she was prissy and could never understand "my" life. However, within three sessions, I felt like I could actually take deep breaths again. That's when I figured out her genius. She knew that the best way to get me to start appreciating and examining my life was to make me explain it to her.

Now, please do not misunderstand me, I am not using the term "Living Life My Way" as an excuse to be self-centered or cold. It's just my way to remind myself, that if I don't take care of my needs, wants, desires, fears, etc, I will not have the strength of character to do for others the way I want. I have found that I am allowed to have dreams of my own , I don't have to try to live someone elses. I discovered, that I don't have to explain every action I take to everyone I know. I just have to make the best decision I can, for the right reasons, and they can either accept it or not. I have come to believe that is OK to express myself to my friends and family.

As a result of my self-discovery, the Lord gave me the comfort to make a goal list for myself. I started college in Jan., I am starting a new job in June. So, I am on a path to being myself. I want thank all of you that have been there for me. I hope all of you know how VERY much you mean to me. And to my lifeline friend, thank you for allowing God to use you for my benefit as He did, you will always be special to me. I hope all of you find the courage and strength to always be yourself, no matter what.

As always,
~Rebekah~

I wish I could understand

2007-03-17T00:33:00.000-05:00

Hi all,

I have something I need to say. I apologize in advance for any hard feelings this may produce but it is something I have to address. Honesty!

Those of you who actually know me know that I have a small circle of very close friends. These are people I really know, or I thought I did. Recently I found out that not everyone in my circle is the person(s) they have pretended to be. Now, I'm not niave enough to believe that everyone is always truthful, but I don't understand how you can keep up such a complete deception with someone you supposedly care about and completely trust. I now feel that every conversation, every get-together, every everything has been called into question and I don't know how to trust anything anymore. I just wish I could understand...

I wish I could understand why you would volunteer so much heartfelt falsehood. Why, if you aren't honestly looking for real advice, why do you bring up a "problem" you need help with. Advice to a half-told or made-up problem can't be of any help.

I wish I could understand why you would want to spend so much time and energy on a relationship you feel you have to lie to keep. It seems to me that I would not want to have a friend that wouldn't accept me as I am. It is not fair to never give your friends the opportunity to do just that.

It is true that in some ways I live my life by a different moral code than the people in my life, but I am very careful to never expect them to follow my code. I have never turned away from a friend just because they made decisions I didn't approve of. By putting on this "front" with me, I feel as a slap in the face, sending the message that they don't see me as a REAL friend. This hurts more than any truth they could ever tell me.

Anyway, for now I have nothing else to say. So as always

Stay Safe & Be Real,
~Rebekah~

A New Adventure

2007-01-12T11:25:00.000-06:00

Hello World,

Last night I did something strange...For me. I went to school. Now I know what you're thinking...So what right? But for me it's really a new concept. See, I only went to 3 months of school in first grade. After that, the rest of my education was done through home schooling. I graduated high school in 1994 without ever have returned to a traditional classroom school. I went to work right after graduation and decided to wait a few years before going to college. Well I did. Over the last year I decided that I wanted to go to college and learn new ideas and skills. So, I enrolled for Winter quarter, then the nerves hit. Now don't misunderstand me, I wouldn't change my education one bit. I loved home schooling and feel blessed that my parents were willing to do it for me. But can you imagine going back to a classroom after 24 years? I was so nervous. (I have a massive fear of the unknown & an insane fear of failure, so together...) To avoid chickening out, I spent yesterday focusing on everything I could except school. I went to work, went to lunch with my sister-in-law, went shopping, printed off pictures for my binder, and watched some TV. I didn't open my school books, read my syllabus, or re-check (for the 80th time) my class schedule. When time came I got ready, took a deep breath, got in the car, drove the 2 miles to my college, and entered the classroom (sweaty palms the whole way). Class started, and do you know what happened? Nothing...That's right, no earthquakes, plagues, rain of fire, nothing. NO one even seemed to notice that I was anything other another student just like all of them. WOW!!!

So, never be afraid to try something new, very few things actually cause the end of the world.

As Always,
~Rebekah~

Time

2006-11-08T07:07:00.000-06:00

Well, my world finally slowed down enough, I can update my blog. Hello to all of you. I'm not sure how it happened, but it's 2 weeks until Thanksgiving. How does the time slip away? Somehow, every year as I start making plans & preparations for the holidays, it always seems like I just did all this. So, I've been thinking about time lately. Not necessarily holidays, but time in general. For instance, when I turned 21, I knew I had plenty of time to have my life lined up straight before I reached 30, now I'm almost 29 and no more structured then I was. So, what did I do with my 8 years? My life always seems to get in the way of my "plan". I once heard it said, "If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him YOUR plan" maybe that's it, maybe I'm planning the wrong future for myself. Maybe for all my talk, I still was trying to build the future I'm "supposed" to have.

My niece is 15 months old, and never is time more evident then through her. If I go a week and don't see her, she's changed. She's grown, learned a new skill, eats a new food, etc. So, I try to use her as a reminder that you can never get yesterday back. Value the time you have. You have to live in the now and be present in each moment of your life.

So, my recommendation is to prioritize your life. Decide the things that are crucially important to you. Ignore for the moment other people's expectations/desires, if it were completely & truly up to you, how would you divide your time? Once you do this, it is easier to pare down the "extra" & find compromises with those around you.

In short, always remember that your life should be about you. The only way you can ever help other people is if you feel confident and in control of your self.

Be Happy & Stay Real
~Rebekah~

2006-09-11T02:09:00.000-05:00

In memory of 9/11

We will never forget!!!

GOD BLESS AMERICA

America-The Melting Pot!!!

2006-09-08T16:34:00.000-05:00

I hope my post today does not offend anyone, but I warned you that I say what I think. I just felt it needed to be said.

I am sorry but after hearing they want to sing the "National Anthem" in Spanish - enough is enough. No where did they sing it in Italian, Polish, Irish(Celtic), German or any other language because of immigration. It was written by Francis Scott Key and should be sung word for word the way it was written. Sorry if this offends anyone but this is MY COUNTRY - IF IT IS YOUR COUNTRY, feel free to speak up. Let me start by clarifying, I am not against immigration, I just ask that you come through like everyone else. Get a sponsor; have a place to lay your head; get a job; pay your taxes, live by the rules AND LEARN THE LANGUAGE as all other immigrants have in the past --- and GOD BLESS AMERICA! Will we still be the Country of choice and still be America if we continue to make the changes forced on us by the people from other countries that came to live in America because it is the Country of Choice? Think about it! All we have to say is, when will they do something about MY RIGHTS? I celebrate Christmas, but because it isn't celebrated by everyone, we can no longer say Merry Christmas. Now it has to be Season's Greetings. It's not Christmas vacation, it's Winter Break. Isn't it amazing how this winter break ALWAYS occurs over the Christmas holiday? We've gone so far the other way, bent over backwards to not offend anyone, that I am now being offended. But it seems that no one has a problem with that. I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Sept. 11, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Americans. However, the dust from the attacks had barely settled when the "politically correct" crowd began complaining about the possibility that our patriotism was offending others. Again, let me say, I am not against immigration, nor do I hold a grudge against anyone who is seeking a better life by coming to America. Our population is almost entirely made up of descendants of immigrants. However, there are a few things that those who have recently come to our country, and apparently some born here, need to understand. This idea of America being a multicultural community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity. As Americans we have our own culture, our own society, our own language and our own lifestyle. This culture has been developed over centuries of struggles, trials, and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom. We speak"ENGLISH", not Spanish, Portuguese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society, "LEARN THE LANGUAGE" "In God We Trust" is our national motto. This is not some Christian, Right wing, political slogan. We adopted this motto because Christian men and women founded this nation on Christian principles. And this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home.........because God is part of our culture. If Stars and Stripes offend you, or you don't like Uncle Sam, then you should seriously consider a move to another part of this planet. We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change, and we really don't care how you did things where you came from. This is OUR COUNTRY, our land, and our lifestyle. Our First Amendment gives every citizen the right to express his opinion and we will allow you every opportunity to do so! But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about our flag, Our pledge, Our national motto, or our way of life...I highly encourage you to take advantage of one other Great American Freedom...... THE FREEDOM TO LEAVE.

As Always, I welcome all comments

Be Good & Stay Real

~Rebekah~

Just a reminder

2006-09-07T16:32:00.000-05:00

I really found this song and the video just spoke to me this week. Hope you enjoy it.

http://gunbarrelcityradio.com/InGodWeStillTrust.wmv

I'm BaaaaccccK!!!!

2006-09-07T16:25:00.000-05:00

Hello World,

I know I have been away a long time. However, my life got in the way of my planned out existence. Since I was last on, my internet crashed, my aunt had to undergo treatments so she could donate bone marrow to my uncle, my car radio got stolen, my dad got sick and is back in the hospital, my school year began, and an old friend moved back into town. So, I have not been trying to ignore my blog, I really just couldn't seem to fit it in. Fortunately, my life is settling back into a routine now, so I should be back on and blogging again real soon. Hope all is well with you.

Be Good & Stay Real

~Rebekah~

July 25: My Thought for the day: Sleep!!!

2006-07-25T08:21:00.000-05:00

Well, it's Tuesday morning, and I have to work today. I'm really tired, so today's going to drag. However, I wouldn't mind if I was tired because I stayed up til 4-5 or didn't sleep well, oh no, I was doing fine until the men re-roofing my house showed up and started marching across my roof this morning. Grrr!!!

My thought for the day is: Sleep!

Some people need a lot, some need a little. Some sleep in the day, others at night. I believe that sleep is a personal issue. Sleep how you want and when you want. I tend to get about 4-6 hours a night. I am a night owl, so I may not "hit-the-hay" until 2 or 3am. But all of this works...for me. My brother tends to stay up all night (he plays WoW) and then sleep from 5 am til 2 or 3 pm. My aunt goes to bed at 10 and is up by 7. And this is just to name a few. And the interesting thing is that all of us feel that our way is the right one. So, my point is as with everything else, do it your way. If you are "early to bed, early to rise" GREAT!!!, If you are a night owl, GREAT. Whatever your sleep patterns, just be sure you are getting the rest your body needs. The rest is up to you.

Have a great day. Be Good & Stay Real!!!

~Rebekah~

July 19: My Thought for the day - Military Support

2006-07-19T09:28:00.000-05:00

Last night I received an e-mail containing the story of the little girl and the soldiers. This story is so sweet it made me cry. It also put me in mind for my thought of the day: Military Support

I know that opinions concerning "The War on Terror" currently being undertaken by the U.S. government vary greatly which has led a lot of people in my country to allow their negative reactions to influence how they see & treat our military men & women. This is something that should NEVER happen. While you are free to express your feelings about our government, the people in it and the decisions they make, we must always remember that our military are serving our country. We don't have to agree with the war, some of them don't, but we must respect their willingness to risk their lives for our benefit. Each and everyone is a hero and should be told how proud we are of them and their courage. Each of them is giving his/her ultimate gift and placing their faith in us as a nation to see them through. So, let's step up and do it right.

Red, White & Blue: These colors may bleed, but they never run!!!

Be Good & Stay Real!!!

~Rebekah~

July 18: My Thought for the day - Communication

2006-07-17T09:11:00.000-05:00

Hi all, I know I haven't been on in a few days. I've been traveling. I went up to Lookout Mountain in North Alabama. And Sunday, I went to the lake. I had a wonderful time, but I got too much sun.

My thought for today is: Communication

I believe that communication is the key to every relationship. Whether romantic or just friends you cannot stay close to someone if you don't communicate. This is not the same as "talking", you can talk to each other all the time and not really have communication. Communication happens when you share your concerns, joys, fears, passions, triumphs & defeats with the other person. If a relationship is not strong enough to survive this kind of open honesty, it probably wouldn't last anyway. On of the most important keys to lasting relationships is always letting the other person know where you stand. You will find that sometimes real communication will lead to arguements, but if your realtionship is not worth fighting over, it's not worth keeping. As always, this is just my opinion. Use of it what you will.

Have a great day. Be Good & Stay Real!

~Rebekah~

For your convenience

2006-07-13T14:15:00.000-05:00

Hi all, I'm glad you guys keep stopping by and leaving me comments. I know it takes time out of your day. To assist you, if you would like, I can have my blog e-mailed to you every time I update. Just drop me an e-mail to rebekah8888@yahoo.com and let me know if this will help. Also, I tend to be spontanious about my daily posts but if you guys have any topics you would like to see me rant about, let me know. I LOVE input.

July 13: My thought for the day - Pillows!!!

2006-07-13T14:05:00.000-05:00

Today my thought for day is: I love pillows!!!

It's the absolute truth. I love pillows, I have 5 on my bed, 2 on my couch and 1 in my recliner. I think there is nothing better than a cool silky pillow for easing away the stress of my day. I know people that don't use any or only use 1 to sleep on. I don't know how this is possible. I love to layer them under me and position around my head. It may me feel relaxed and safe. So, even if you generally sleep with another person, I recommend that you give pillows a try sometime.

Well, have a great day. Be good & Stay real!

~Rebekah~

July 12: My Thought for the day - Travel!!!

2006-07-12T12:36:00.000-05:00

Today is Wednesday, and it's about 100 degrees here. The summer is always hot here so everyone likes to travel. I love to travel and believe it is an important experience. Which brings to my thought for day.

Never be afraid to travel. One of the greatest experiences of my life was taking a road trip across the U.S. Don't get me wrong, I love to fly, and air travel is a great way to get to a specific destination. However, some of my favorite things in this country are not in places I would have flown to, but in places "on the way" to where I was going. The "Arch" history museum in Nebraska, Wall Drug in South Dakota, the rocky cliff beaches of Maine, Sweetwater River in Idaho just to name a few. So, don't be afraid to hit the road and enjoy the freedom of stopping wherever you choose. You miss so much when we view the drive as something to get through so we can get where we're going. Sometimes, the drive has what you really wanted all along. So, if you can't take a long vacation, just take a drive through your county, state, region. Sometimes what you find may surprise you and be just the trip you needed.

Have a great day. Be Good & Stay Real!

~Rebekah~

Watch this

2006-07-11T13:57:00.000-05:00

July 11: My thought for the day - Beds!!!

2006-07-11T08:25:00.000-05:00

Well, here it is, Tuesday. I have to leave for work soon.

My thought this morning is: Why do we make our beds?

For as long as I can remember, I've been taught that making my bed was part of cleaning up. I never understood why I had to make it just to unmake again at bedtime. Now, I'm an adult and I still don't. Think about it. What is the main purpose of a bed? To comfort our bodies while we sleep. Most of us have sheets & blankets to help us relax. Well, to tuck in sheets & make up the bed impedes our bed in it's duties... That's right our bed has a job to do. Our bed is to help us relax and give us a place to rest. Well, we make it harder for our bed to welcome us. So, free your bed from this regime and you might find yourself getting more rest and feeling better. Oh well, it was worth a try...guess I oughta make my bed before I leave (don't want to leave my room a mess)

Have a great day. Be good & Stay real!

Birthday calendar

2006-07-10T12:51:00.000-05:00

I thought was interesting and kinda cool. I got this link for another blogger and thought you might enjoy it.

I fell under Life Plan 5, if you to check out my stats.

http://www.paulsadowski.com/birthday.asp

July 10: My Thought for the day - Names

2006-07-10T10:59:00.000-05:00

Saw this story today, and wanted to share it you.

HANOI, Vietnam (July 7) - After nearly two decades of ridicule, a father has agreed to change his son's name from "Fined Six Thousand and Five Hundred" - the amount he was forced to pay in local currency for ignoring Vietnam's two-child policy.
Angry he was being fined for having a fifth child, Mai Xuan Can named his son Mai Phat Sau Nghin Ruoi after the amount he was forced to pay - 6,500 dong, or 50 cents, said Dai Cuong village chief Nguyen Huy Thuong.
In 1999, local government officials tried to persuade Can to change the name because the boy was constantly being teased by classmates at school. But Can, a former People's Committee official, refused to back down, Thuong said. They appealed to him again recently, and this time it worked.
"I told him that as his son is growing up, he should have another name - not that weird name - and he finally agreed," Thuong said.
The son, now 19, finally got a new name: Mai Hoang Long, which means golden dragon.

Now, this is an over-the-top case but my thought for day regards names. Why do people feel the need to be creative about naming their children?

I don't understand why people name their children such unusual names. I have heard that they want to instill individuality in their children. I believe that making a child feel individual & special is very important, but this should be done through their activities, accomplishments & nurturing not because their name is off-beat. I understand not wanting to name your child the same thing as EVERYONE else, but don't force them to wear a completely inappropriate moniker. When I hear about celebrities naming their children Apple, Banjo & Pilot Inspektor (just to name a few) it concerns me. So often the people of my country follow celebrity trends in these matters. However, I don't think we can expect to raise stable, well-adjusted kids when we start them off in this way. Most children base their opinions of themselves off the way their peers see them. And let's face it, they probably already have fights at school waiting to happen.

Well, I warned you that you never know what I'll think of next.
Have a great day. Be Good & Stay Real!

~Rebekah~

Happy Father's day

2006-07-09T12:13:00.000-05:00

Now I know what you're thinking...Huh, about two weeks late for that one, but today is father's for my family. My grandmother passed away on June 16 after a long illness, so to properly honor my father, we postponed his day. So, this post is for my father (but, feel free to read it).

Daddy,

You have been through so much with your 3 strokes and heart surgery, etc. I know you get tired and despair about your place in this world. Your place in the world and in our lives is as it ever was. You are the one that we look to for the courage to persevere. You are the one that always encourages us to try again, look deeper, and learn more. You are our example of overcoming your difficulties, not allowing them to define you. When I was young, I believed you could do anything. In an adult way, I still do. I believe that you have a spirit stronger than anything this world has to throw at you. I used to believe that you were the strongest man in the world. I still do. but now I understand what this means. When I was young, my belief was based on your ability to lift me over your head and carry me with one arm. I now know that was not your strength at all. After your body was weakened and your physical strength faded, I finally saw your strength was your determination. When I was young, I thought you were brilliant. I still do, you know so much about so much. But the thing that makes you so brilliant is your willingness to share your knowledge. You understand that knowledge only lasts as long as it is known and so you try to pass yours to others. I used to see you as my hero. I still do, you are the one that protects me from the danger of naviete. You protect me from the cold of being unloved. You rescue me from my insecurity and self-doubt. And you helped lead to the safety of my Savior's loving arms. You are truly the most amazing man I think I will ever know. So, daddy, for all this and more...THANK YOU. Thank you for always reminding me of the definition of "true strength". Thank you for showing me the manifestation of love. Thank you for proving that knowledge is power. Thank you for being man enough to show me your pain.

I've loved you all my life and I love you even more now that I really know all that makes you who you are. I thank my Heavenly Father every day that He gave me such a great example of fatherhood for my journey towards Him. No matter old I get, I remain.

Your baby girl,
~Rebekah~

July 9: My thought for the day - Family

2006-07-09T11:35:00.000-05:00

Well, Today is fathers day for my family. We didn't celebrate it in June because my grandmother passed away the day before. There was so much to do and so many emotions we couldn't give dad the attention he deserves, so we postponed it. So, today my brothers and I are going over to eat dinner and "hang out". For those of you who know me, you know how this will go, but for the rest of you. My mother (God love her) is a great woman, but she is incapable of just letting people visit. She always seems to have a "plan". She would have made a great cruise director. My father loves to visit; as long as it involves some form of electronic equipment. Usually he wants to watch a movie, if not then he wants to play one of his DVD board games. If we just sit and visit, he wants to keep the TV on (for the music). My older brother is very opinionated and enjoys discussing controversial issues whenever possible. He is very intelligent but seems to doubt the intelligence of anyone that doesn't agree ith him. My younger brother is married with three kids, and he works nights, so he usually passes out on the couch and then gets upset that he missed everything. My sister-in-law is the peacekeeper of the bunch, she tries to lead my brother onto friendly topics or distract him completely. She always tries to help my mom to relax and just let things be. In addition, I have two nephews and one niece. They are 6, 4 & almost one (and she crawls)...enough said. And finally, we have me, the quirkiest and craziest of them all. Instead of relagating myself to the sidelines to watch all of this unfold, I find myself arguing with my brother, frustrated with my mother and father and wishing there was a lot less noise. Because deep down, no matter how many get togethers my family has, somehow I still find myself thinking "this time, it'll be different".
So this is my family in a nutshell, all of us individual personalities. We are all quirky, irritating, & about half crazy. But lets face it, this may be why we always have such a good time. Because when all is said and done. I love my family because of how we are and wouldn't really change them if I could (well maybe a little)....

So I guess my thought for the day is: Make time to appreciate the uniqueness of your family. They made you who you are.

Have a great day. Be good & Be Real!

~Rebekah~

July 8: My thought for the day - Friends

2006-07-08T18:57:00.000-05:00

Well, I've a really good day. I spent this morning with my niece & nephews. We watched a movie, played, and ate lunch together.

My thought for day is: Why do we let our "friends" run over us?

I'm sure at some point we have all had that friend that calls constantly, is always coming by, or gets offended if you choose to spend time with ANYONE else. We tend to let them do it, we invite them along on our outings, we let them stay whenever they come by, we never imply that it may be a bad time to talk. Why is this? I think the answer is two-fold. I think that we are taught to see blunt honesty as rudeness and therefore will never tell them what we really think. Also, I think that part of our nature likes all the attention and fears we will lose their admiration & friendship if we don't allow this behavior. It is important to have friends and to make time for those friends, but it's important to do the same for all of your friends. It is important that you not let one friend impose him/herself onto your schedule in such a way that you are forced to neglect everything and everyone else. That is disrespectful to you, your family and to your other friends. If they are not willing to compromise and work within some boundaries, maybe they are not a real friend. We talk about seeing respect and consideration as part of friendship, if this true, why do we not expect this from the people we call friends. If someone is truly your friend, they should understand that sometimes your life may require you to not have endless amounts of time to give them. If you explain that while you enjoy their company, you may feel at times like spending time without them. And who knows, it might encourage them to branch and broaden their circle of friends and activities. So, never be afraid to ask your friends to respect your time, family or your life.

Well, just food for thought. Hope you all have a great day! Be good & Be Real!

~Rebekah~

Pirates of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest review

2006-07-07T17:03:00.000-05:00

Let me start by saying that I loved the first movie and have been looking forward to this one ever since. I went to the 12:01am screening and I have to say I'm a little disappointed.
Although the actors are all back at the top of their game; I felt that a lot of the charm of the characters was lost. I love the character of Captain Jack Sparrow, but in this film they did not make use of his spirit, but seemed to rely on rehashing of earlier jokes and more "twitchy" craziness without carrying over his confidence and cleverness. Jack apparently has developed a need for some sort of redemption, which I don't understand, because one great thing about Jack was that he was who he was and made no excuses for it.
Elizabeth's character development started off well but ended up consisting of nagging, and whining. Also, apparently she's now indecisive and dishonest.
As for Will, his character seems the most in keeping with the first film, and is a good solid part of the film, but they don't really give him growth or development.
The only character I can really say I thought was brought forward properly was Norrington. He was played wonderfully as a man who has truly lost it all and wants it back.

As for the story, in my opinion, it lacked the originality and style I expected and it was carried out in a fairly confusing way. While I did get caught up in the high seas adventure, I quickly got lost in the mess of frenzy that filled this movie. There were so many "villians" and dangers, they lost the main story in the sea of sub-plots. I feel they should not have tried to create a love triangle again for this film. When the movie begins Elizabeth & Will are preparing to marry, however, as the movie progresses she seems to shift her affections over to Jack. This transition seemed forced and without solid reasoning. On the brighter side, I really enjoyed the surprise guest at the end of the film, I thought that the scenes involving Will & his father were heartfelt and powerful. I think that Pirates 3 has a lot of potential and may resolve a lot of these concerns.

So, in summary, it's the middle movie in a trilogy for all the good and the bad that brings. In some ways, they tried too hard, others not enough. It has some great fight/battle scenes and humorous moments. I truly believe that it was weak in many ways but I can't say I regret going. Because, let's face it, in the end it's all just a great ride and you want to go along.

P.S. Stay all the way through the credits!!! Trust me!

July 7: My thought for the day

2006-07-07T16:52:00.000-05:00

Just wanted to share my thoughts for today. I went to see Pirates of the Caribbean 2 last night (review will be posted later) at the 12:01 showing. So, I'm running on about 5 hours sleep, but if you know me, you know that's about par. I've been sick for the past week, but I'm finally better. So, yea!!

Anyway, my thought for today is: Why is it so hard to live our own lives?

I live a life that very few people understand for my age. I have made a lot of choices for reasons they don't understand. Some of my family seems to be the worst. I used to feel like I had to explain it to them, but I have only now come to realize that they are my reasons and they were my choices to make. So, while I care about them and want them to respect me, I must always try to be true to myself and not live my life for others.

Well, I'm gonna sign off now. I'm watching Smallville with my brother & sister-in-law (who also happen to be my two best friends) tonight. Be good & Be real.

~Rebekah~

Hello

2006-07-07T16:22:00.000-05:00

Hello! Welcome to my world. Well, this is my first blog ever, so I will learn as I go. I plan to open my thoughts to you all (heaven help you, getting sucked into my head...). I will also post reviews, opinions and feelings on everything - Politics, Cinema, Books, Music, etc. My mind is a complex and busy place so you never know what I might talk about next. Anyway, welcome, I hope you like it and please come back.

Review of Superman Returns

2006-07-07T16:20:00.000-05:00

As a fan of the first two films, as well as Tv shows Lois & Clark and Smallville. I have to admit that I went to see Superman Returns expecting to be disappointed. I'm so happy I was wrong. I expected recycled cliches, but instead got a fresh perspective of this classic story. Even with a few plot holes, I feel that the writers gave us a engrossing and entertaining tale that fully involves and develops each character.
The actors each brought us a full presentation of the people we know and love (or in the case of Lex Luthor; love to hate),the only exception to this would be Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane. I think Ms. Bosworth is a fine actress, but she is just not strong enough to pull the spark and "Spit" needed to be Lois Lane. Kevin Spacey plays Lex Luthor with such sarcastic, vindictive & plain evil perfection I am reminded as to why Lex is always a favorite villian. And Mr. Spacey does so with such ease and grace that he draws attention to the strength of his costars. Brandon Routh as Superman really suprised me, I did not expect him to be able to so completely take on this role that you sometimes forgot that he hadn't always played it. His performance, mannerisms and speech are so similar to Christopher Reeve's portrayal while adding his own stamp on it as well. It was the perfect way to blend the old with the new. James Marsden brought a lot of heart and power to his role. You very quickly see that he is not just a pretty boy but has compassion, courage and a spirit that make him a worthy contender for Lois' affection. The supporting cast is all fantastic, from Parker Posey's dream-big henchman with a conscience, Frank Langella's hard-hitting, no bull Perry White all the way to having Noel Niell (one of the original Lois Lane's) make a small appearance.
The effects are so amazing you actually find yourself forgetting that a man can't really fly, but even more, you just don't care.
Bryan Singer's direction brings all this together is such a seamless way that from the moment THAT music starts till the very end it brings out that little eight year old who still believes in superheros, truth, justice and the spirit of it all.

As always, there were plot holes, over played scenes, and predictable shocks and twists. But in my humble opinion, that all washes away in this fascinating and captivating tale showing all of us "Why the World Needs Superman" all over again.